Kim Jong "The Mentally" Il

It's been a little while, eons for the blogosphere, but I am back, writer's block gone, and I am commentating on, as promised, everyone's favorite Korean sociopath: Kim Jong Il.

I will begin with a brief biography, taken straight from his autobiography, "How To Lose Friends and Alienate Yourself, but Gain Control of a Withering Northeast Asian Country in the Process," available anywhere non-existent books are sold. It reads as follows:

In the beginning, there was Kim Jong Il, no further information is required.

The book goes on and on about how he is to rule over the world one day and other ramblings of a depraved mind, so to speak. What he doesn't mention is that the rest of the world exists solely for the purpose of making sure he doesn't nuke himself, or more importantly us, by erecting more embargoes than Elizabeth Taylor had marriages.

It seems that every few minutes he decides that his country, the ironically names "Democratic People's Republic of Korea" (emphasis added) might have a nuclear missile and threatens to launch it. However, as we have found out through experience, the missiles are generally no more effective than a bottle rocket, often with the same effect. One may be led to think that he does not bother to ask his scientists what they have actually developed before he makes brash statements about WMDs.

Mr. Il... he just never learns does he? How many more sanctions can the U.N. place on North Korea? I am really quite curious. It seems as that as long as I could remember we have been alienating the DPRK. What is left to embargo? Do we start blockading migratory birds?

I recall a few weeks back that I was reading an article about Supreme Ruler of the Universe Kim Jong Il and how he and his cronies were in the final development stages of their Taepodong II missile and that they didn't know what to expect from the Obama administration, as opposed to the Bush administration. Well, in my frank and uneducated opinion, that is probably the wrong information to leak.

Let's just review the necessary facts: 1. The DPRK is determined to spite the U.N. with their missile development. 2. They do this with history suggesting that only negative outcomes will result. 3. They do this without having the foggiest idea of how Obama's administration will result. Is it me, or does that sound like KJI slept through "Dictatorship 101?"

Now it's a well-known fact that I can't end without the obligatory slam on his hair: it's utter silliness. He, Donald Trump, and Rod Blagojevich should start a club: Those Who Have Hair But Don't Know How To Wear It.

Honestly, how do you expect people to follow you or take your threats seriously when you look like the offspring of the Bride of Frankenstein and Elmer Fudd? You simply cannot demand credibility and respect, even if you have a country and your own army!

Well, our time is up, but I already have a treat prepared for next week:

Why are Chinese customs officers confiscating foreign cheese in suitcases?

Until tomorrow...